Missing Mother

Releasing the Pain of Childhood Abandonment, Neglect, and Rejection

Using EFT for Spiritual Growth

Since EFT is such a wonderful method to work from aches to zits on everything, we sometimes forget its awesome spiritual context. Gary Craig who developed EFT, has stated clearly:

The main purpose of EFT is to pave the way towards love’s Presence (i.e. Grace). Our physical and emotional wounds tend to distract us from this spiritual birthright.

If we have chronic severe back pain, are angry with our boss every day, or feel generally unworthy of love, we struggle for our physical and emotional survival instead of living gracefully. So doing EFT on whatever keeps us from relaxing into our center, is spiritual work. However, skillful Art of Delivery (done on your own or with a practitioner) can take this much further.

I will never forget a powerful spiritual break-through I experienced with one of my clients. “Claire” grew up in a family with several abusive members. The worst offender was a brother who was ten years older than she was. He tortured and beat his little sisters so severely that they often feared for their lives (the father was abusive himself, and the mother too weak to take any action).

One night, the parents were gone and 5 year old Claire and her 3 year old sister “Kim” were alone at home with this brother. He started attacking Kim viciously and beat her until she was lying motionless on the floor. At that point, Claire threw herself into the scene, pulled her sister up and dragged her out of the house to neighbors. She yelled: “Help! Help!” until the neighbors opened the door.

The neighbors looked at the two little girls, told them coldly that they did not want to have anything to do with this and shut the door.

It was dark, Claire did not know what else to do and went back home with her sister. In the meantime, the brother had calmed down, and the rest of the night was peaceful.

First, we tapped for a long time on the shocking behavior of the neighbors (I had to borrow benefits since this upset me too). After that Claire switched to intense anger at God: How could he allow such a situation, how could he be so cruel?

Then a powerful shift happened: Like lightening strike, Claire had an insight that came from an entirely different realm. She understood, from a spiritual perspective, what this event was truly about: It was not about preventing the abuse or getting rescued by others (who then would have been given the credit, be it God or the neighbors). It was about being a hero and taking her sister out of a very dangerous situation until their home was safe again. If God or the neighbors had rescued them, Claire would not have had that crucial experience. It was about showing her how compassionate, courageous, and resourceful she was, even as a 5 year old. Today, 40 years later, Claire is a strong, happy woman.

Viewing a situation from a higher level of consciousness or what I call the Soul Perspective, is a hallmark of “spiritual EFT”. All of a sudden, the whole truth of a situation is revealed, it is like switching from flatscreen to 3D. Sometimes you look from above down on the scene as if it was a drama played out on a stage, and it is only from that viewpoint that you can see the whole picture. When that happens, you understand that there are no victims, only spiritual lessons, eternal love, and expansion of consciousness.

Learning to love and accept ourselves is fundamental for a spiritual life – and that aspiration is built into EFT not only as a default (I deeply and completely…) but into all reframing phrases. I choose to be at peace. I treat myself with kindness and compassion. I listen to the wiser part of me. I am willing to forgive myself. This is not “pounding in” positive affirmations, it is gently stimulating personal evolution which is always evolution of the whole.

There are many ways to do spiritual work. Some of them are entirely uplifting and joyful. What we do is Shadow work, in the Jungian sense: Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious. Not that popular in our fun-driven world but deeply purposeful for those who dare.

People who do EFT in a committed way learn to be brutally honest with themselves, stay in the Now (“what am I feeling right now?”), are willing to let go of projections which is blaming others for their problems, and strive to be of service to their fellow travelers. If humility wasn’t such a primary spiritual virtue, we could have a bragging party.

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