Missing Mother

Releasing the Pain of Childhood Abandonment, Neglect, and Rejection

Since When Is “Spiritual” Just Being Good?

How bad are you really? What lurks in the dark corners of your mind? You will be surprised and rewarded when you actually go there… 
Isn’t if funny when you have the same theme come up with several clients in a row?It happened to me lately. It was basically about: “I should not have these horrible thoughts and emotions since I am a good, spiritual person”. By the way, whenever that happens, I know that it is my theme too…Now, I am not talking about upwelling feelings of anger, fear, frustration, and the like. We all know that these cannot be avoided since we are human. That’s why we tap, so they can be released and transformed.I am talking about longstanding, deep-seated, real nasty stuff. Here are some modified examples in order to protect privacy:- I hate the fact that my ex-husband married this bimbo. After all these years, I still look for every sign of their marriage breaking apart, and I wish that they suffer until the end of their days.

–  I am so jealous that my friend got pregnant instantly, and I have been trying for years and failed. I heard that miscarriages are quite common within the first three months…

–  A part of me is waiting for my old uncle to die, so I can get my inheritance.

Now, what do we do with that? On a low level of consciousness, we split our dark side completely off and project it onto other people. That is how hatred and wars get started. On a little higher level, we have a hunch that this is our own stuff, so we don’t act it out, but we push these ugly thoughs deep down and skip away, humming a merry tune. On a high level, we allow ourselves to be completely aware of these thoughts and feelings and own them without any excuses.

For some reason, the word “spiritual” has become synonymous with “good”, “light”, and “positive”. I don’t know how that happened. There isn’t a great spiritual teacher, master, or saint who has not encountered the utmost darkness on their spiritual journey (yes, Mother Teresa too, she wrote about it). Being spiritual means becoming whole, means breaking through illusion and self-righteousness. One of my spiritual teachers said: Be kind towards others, but be ruthless with yourself. That does not mean at all hating yourself. It means looking at yourself with complete clarity and honesty – and learning to love all of you. If you have experienced moments like that, you know how immensely empowering that is.

Where does EFT come in here? In a way, it is already built in as a default: Even though I am this horrible person, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Tapping on the obsessive need to be the “good girl (boy)” is helpful, especially if it is traced back to childhood patterns. Then, of course, the particular issue is examined. For example, the still festering wound of the divorce; the dispair of not being able to get pregnant; the anxiety of not having enough money.

The truth will set you free. Once it is put out there in all its shocking glory, many doors to healing open.